This morning, I time travelled back to when you were 3. I saw your face during Christmas when your Kong Kong would take you to play with "snow" outside Tanglin Mall. I was with you when you were at the Singapore Zoo and Jurong Bird Park, smiling and laughing when you saw all the birds and animals there. I was with you when you were at the petting zoo playing with guinea pigs, chinchillas and rabbits. I was with you when you were sitting in the amphitheatre watching the hawks and when you got up close and personal with the snakes, chameleons and iguanas. I noticed that your favourite snake was the Albino Burmese Python. It's white and yellow and part of the constrictor family. I was with you when you first moved with your family to The Sterling. I know how much you enjoyed playing basketball and badminton with your sisters and how much you love playing board games. I noticed that you played board games by yourself when no one else wanted to play with you. I noticed that you locked yourself up in your room when you felt lost, alone, hurt, empty and invisible. You would play your CDs, sing and cry until you fell asleep. I know that it was almost a daily affair. I understood how painful it was when you had to walk alone to school every morning with your head down hoping that no one would notice you and see through you to all the messiness inside. I know you thought about giving up many times and how death doesn't even faze you anymore. I noticed how you would force yourself to keep quiet in class, how you wouldn't even lift your head up off the table, how you would isolate yourself from all your friends and turn down party invitations because you felt unwanted, how you would starve yourself every recess and hide out in the toilet for 45 minutes. I know how much pain you went through growing up. I know how you would come home every day wishing that someone would notice and ask you how they could help. I know how difficult it was for you to get through the day and how much respite you get from sleeping and living in your daydreams. I know how you would sit in front of the mirror picking at your flaws and plucking out your hair and eyelashes. It became almost an obsession. I know that's how you felt you could regain control. I know everything, and I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I put you through all of that. I didn't know better.