Alyssa Lie | Singapore Singer-Songwriter & Content Creator

My Time To Butterfly!

Mon, 29 Nov 2021 20:36:55 -0800

2020 started with a whole lot of heartbreak.

It took me 2 months to recover mentally and emotionally from the nightmares and trauma...

Then COVID happened.

In a strange way, the lockdown was truly a blessing!

I took the express track towards healing and within the next 6-8 months, I was doing great! I was fit, healthy, working lots, and had time for my friends and family!

At the start of 2021, I thought to myself: "I think now's my time to butterfly!" and by a twist of fate, I met someone whom I thought could help take my life and career to the next level. It was like a sign from the Universe saying: "I hear you, and this is my answer!"

So I trusted in the relationship and did the work I thought was expected of me in order to reach my creative, artistic, and career goals. But...

I didn't know that I was being led down the fast track towards a creative, mental, and emotional breakdown.

After 5 months of working together, I was broken.

Subtly and gradually, my autonomy had been taken away from me, and with that, my voice. I was made to believe things about myself and about others that were not true and asked to keep certain things to myself. I was being told that our process of working together was the right way of doing things in the industry.

I didn't know any better, so I convinced myself it was.

Even though there were many red flags: I heard, saw, and experienced things that went completely against my ethics, my morals, my values, and my character.

I didn't want to continue... But I didn't see a way out.

When I finally decided to end things, the process was so convoluted and took close to 2 months that I started to wonder if this was what an ugly divorce looks like...

But standing in the...Read More

Your Mind Creates Your Limit!

Sat, 03 Jul 2021 22:00:43 -0700

How did the first half of 2021 go?

Looking back at the first 6 months of the year...

What were your biggest wins?

My biggest wins were: I had my 1st solo sold-out concert at the Esplanade Recital Studio, where my friends, fans, music industry professionals and family bought $38 tickets to support me. I was a covergirl for NXT magazine's May 2021 issue, and was featured in their June 2021 issue as well. I booked my first commerical for over $3k. I have grown my IG to over 3k and my TikTok channel to over 14k followers. I booked my first TikTok paid video. I wrote and released my first duet, "Someone To Love Me." I made new industry friends and grew closer to old ones: Greg Tan, Arthur Wiyono, Jeff Tan, Chen Jinfu, Arthur Keng, AoCheng Su;...Read More

Reflections (Day 5)

Fri, 08 Jan 2021 08:29:06 -0800

Thank you, Lord, for today.

I am blessed with a manager who loves me, a friend, Arthur Keng, whom I just met recently (who's also going to be shooting & directing my MV for Half-Asleep with me!) & who sat with me for a few hours figuring out how to deal with text messages & admin work (which I am so grateful for because it is not one of my strengths, although I'm working on it!!) & I am also blessed with a family that loves me, especially Mama (my grandma on my mom's side) who literally gifted me with a giant haul of vintage clothing (yay! I don't like shopping, so I get the benefits of thrift shopping without having to spend any money or having to rummage through piles of old clothing). Next Sunday, my sister & I are going to cook some food to bring to Mama's house & we're having dinner there again because she obviously loves having us over. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm her favourite grandchild.

Dear Lord,

Please bless everyone with good health, wealth & peace of mind. I'm looking forward to the coming week ahead. I am growing more & more in love every day. Thank you for teaching me what love is & what it means to love & be loved. I am so excited to keep growing & understanding the meaning of Your love in my life & how I can continue to share that with those around me. I am so happy! Thank you so much. ♡

Amen.

Reflections (Day 4)

Thu, 07 Jan 2021 20:52:43 -0800

As Hannah Montana said: "Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days."

This morning, I would like to reflect on my singing lesson with Erick Guansing last night. I've been training with Erick for the past 1-2 months now & I really see, hear & feel the change in my voice. It has definitely improved from the first time I went for class! I'm so happy about that because I know that I will keep making improvements & that my singing will level up in time!

Patience, determination & hard work are the keys to vocal health, wealth & endurance.

The main lessons I learnt last night were:
1. Open vowels (Lengthen vowels before hitting the consonant).

2. Drop jaw!! (This is something I am consciously working on & feeling comfortable with).

3. Support the lower notes, feel it in my core. (I am usually more comfortable with higher notes & they come more naturally. Hence, grounding & finding support in my lower notes is something that I am also working on building a strong foundation in).

4. Placement, the vocal resonance should sit around the TMJ area where I feel the bones protruding when I drop my jaw. (Too far back would sound too operatic & too far forward would sound too "musical theatre" & slightly pinched). We want freedom & less effort so that the sound can travel farther & resonate more just by raising the soft palate & dropping the jaw.

Exercises to practice for the week:

1. Chopstick with tongue. Sing through the entire song of "Dare To Live."
2. Massage to release the muscles in the TMJ area, around the earlobes & skull.

3. Vocal Rest on Friday, 8 January because I can feel the throat tension built up from Christmas till now (2 weeks +).

4. Practice yawning (raising soft palate), releasing the tongue & mewing, even when not singing. To inculcate good vocal habits & muscle memory while also...Read More

Reflections(Day 3)

Wed, 06 Jan 2021 08:49:33 -0800

Every day I feel torn & today feels no different. I am torn between love & hurt. I am torn between forgiveness & resentment. I am torn between moving forward & reminiscence. I don't hate you - I don't hate any of my exes. I have no hate in me. I have hurt, yes, but that I know I can heal from & move past that. When, though? That is the question. I know I can't rush the process & I think that going through all the ups & downs (mostly ups) of 2020 has really put a lot of my experiences into perspective. I understand that "hurt people, hurt people" & so I hold no grudge against anyone who has wronged me in the past. I know that as human beings we are all flawed & sometimes we say and do things that hurt others unintentionally, even if we meant the opposite. We just weren't thinking straight. Sometimes substances play a part in that as well, distorting our worldview, but let's not jump into that rabbit hole right now. In 2020, especially, after surrounding myself with friends & family (& my manager & vocal coach) whom I know love me, care about me & support me, I finally understand what it means to be loved. It's ever-changing & constantly evolving, but the one thing that remains constant is that it is invariant. It never changes despite my moods & whatever I'm going through in life. The number of times my parents, siblings & manager have had to shower me with patience & understanding despite my flaws & struggles... It's made me realise that they love me. Each in their own way, of course, but they love me. All the people who deserted me in my most trying times & the people who left me on the line while I was crying & the people who called me dramatic & oversensitive (yes, my parents have called me that before, but they've still stuck with me through it all) - those people never really knew how to show me love in times of need. Maybe they did love me, but they didn't understand the depths of real love - or maybe they didn't actually love me, just the idea of me,...Read More

Reflections (Day 2)

Tue, 05 Jan 2021 09:57:18 -0800

If there's something I've realised of late, it's that I'm not taking good care of my body like I did during lockdown & throughout most of last year. I can tell when I'm eating too much & eating unhealthily, and it doesn't make me feel good. I like feeling good & fit in the clothes that I wear. It just feels different. Today, I ate a Double Shack Burger from Shake Shack because my mom bought some to try. I don't even like cheeseburgers. I don't even like beef. I just couldn't control myself & that's a bad sign. It's because I've been sleeping late nights recently & haven't found my back-to-work grind yet. Slowly, but surely, I know that I will get there. I just hope that it's sooner rather than later. I want to start getting back to recording TikTok videos & interacting with my audience through TikTok & IG Live sessions. I've got so many ideas & I just need time to sit & think through them & set a definitive plan of action for the year. 2021 is going to be different. I know it. I just need time to sit & process everything that's happened & my path moving forward. I am ready. I know it. I will find the time to sit with myself & reflect. Reflect & plan ahead.

Also, before I go to sleep, I have to add that I believe that things ended because they had to. In relationships, romantic or otherwise. I cannot stand being disrespected in a relationship & looking back, you never respected me enough. & if you did, then it never reflected in your actions, your words, your promises or the way you treated me. It was more like a flame that was burning hot & cold & I never knew which to expect sometimes. Like the day you left me in the garden & cycled off without me & I had to find my way back alone. Which was also the day I fell off my bike because I somehow ended up on the wrong side of the road trying to find my way back & freaked out, but did you know that? I don't think so. But I never made it a big deal. All the times you were hiding things (people?) from me & you...Read More

Reflections (Day 1)

Mon, 04 Jan 2021 08:42:49 -0800

I haven't had much time for reflection today, but it was my first day of work in the New Year. It was fun all-in-all, to be honest & I am looking forward to working a lot more in this New Year. However, I have been feeling completely fatigued and exhausted the past week & I think that it would do me a lot of good to take some time off for myself just to recharge and recover. Normally, I'd book a flight out somewhere quieter, away from the constant noise and work chatter here in Singapore, so that I can shut off from the outside world for awhile and retreat into my inner sanctuary. But that is not very possible given the current travel situation. Good news is that 2 of my Malaysian friends are moving back to Singapore because job prospects (as well as health prospects) here are much better compared to just across the border. So, I'm planning a homecoming party for them, so that we can all hang out and catch-up on years of gossip *ahem* life stories. I'm just happy to have more friends back in Singapore, that's all. I can't wait to feel better & energised for the work life ahead. // Thank you, Jesus, for everything. I need you now more than ever & I am very grateful for everything that you've blessed me with thus far. Please grant me the energy to carry out your plans for me & help me in my career this year as I have so much to do & I know that I can't do it alone. Please be with me. AMEN.

i'm ready

Tue, 29 Dec 2020 06:20:19 -0800

It's time for a new beginning!

All forgiveness. All love.

I am done with holding grudges and clinging on to old memories and past hurts. I am ready to move on, forgive, live and let live. I am letting go of all the feelings that have been keeping me hostage over the past few months. I am letting go of all the situations that I cannot yet understand and have no control over. I am at peace with the fact that the future is unpredictable and changeable because I know that I am ready to take charge and direct my ship wherever it's meant to go. I am surrendering all my hopes, plans and desires unto God and unto a higher power.

I trust that whatever will be will be - and it will be what's best for me.

I am so thankful for all the love, care and consideration that I've been showered with this year. Thank you, Jesus. I got all I wanted and much more. I have a manager that cares for me, a family that loves me, friends who are there for me and so much to give and to learn each and every day. I am thankful and grateful. My heart feels so full.

This festive season, I made it a point to host friends at my place - following the safe distancing rules, of course - and it has been nice to catch-up with people whom I haven't seen in ages! I am hosting another gathering tomorrow, and I can't wait for everyone to meet each other, and hopefully make some new friends! I am loved. I am enough. I am happy. I am fulfilled.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you for giving me all the world and more.

I just hope that I can give it back someday - like Annie does - in my art, in my work, in my thoughts, words and actions.

1 year ago, today.

Mon, 28 Dec 2020 08:57:09 -0800

It was today.

Exactly 1 year ago,

When I arrived at CPH International Airport.

When the 9 days of pain & loss began.

Some days I still wonder whether or not you ever think of me?

& Then I wonder if you ever wonder whether or not I ever think of you?

Then I tell myself that I should stop thinking about us.

About what we used to be.

Until now my heart is still torn between loving you and forgetting you.

But I don't think that I'll ever forget you,

& I don't think that I'll ever stop loving you.

I don't know what you're up to these days,

But I hope that you're doing well,

& I hope that you've finally found (or are at least close to finding) what you wanted.

What you need.

Somehow, I still believe that we'll find each other again someday.

Maybe.

When the time is right?

The story doesn't feel like it's ended yet,

But right now I'm a little lost between the pages of yesterday and tomorrow.

This year,

The whole world turned upside down;

But in that chaos, I found myself.

I found love,

& I hope you did, too.

I hope that someday we'll say "Hello" again like we used to;

That we'd smile again like we used to do

Whenever we were together,

Whenever we'd meet in the space between the past and the future —

Whenever I'd fly in.

But maybe I'm wrong...

Maybe that's just a pipe dream that I should slowly start accepting.

Maybe you really are doing better without me.

Maybe you're happy -

& I want you to be happy.

So I'll leave this up to God,

& If it's meant to be, it will be.

If not, life will keep moving us forward like it always does,

& I will keep on healing like I always do.

Maybe one day I'll begin to understand the significance of me & you -

But for now,

I'll leave it as it is

Because I can't keep calling if there's...Read More

I matter, and I know it.

Tue, 22 Dec 2020 09:06:08 -0800

I've been reading articles on child psychology, dysfunctional relationship dynamics, anxiety, depression and personality disorders since I was a kid - since I was 11, at least - when I first owned a laptop. I used to think that I was the problem. Everyone made it seem like I was, so I suppose I started to believe it, even though I knew deep down that it wasn't me. That I was fine. I learnt one thing: It's not easy to convince others of your innocence when they don't know what it is that you're experiencing day after day after day. Emotional manipulation had become routine. Hypocrisy, naming and shaming, guilt-tripping, stonewalling, gaslighting... What haven't I experienced? I spent so many years trapped in silence. Walking on eggshells. Afraid of the next blow-up, the next rejection, the next fight or the next insult. My throat would actually clench when I walked up the stairs; my voice would trapped, with no sound able to leave my mouth. No one knew that feeling. I did. Going to school was absolute torture. So I started to numb myself. I cut off contact with friends. I turned down party invitations. I skipped recess with my classmates every day by leaving early to use the toilet. For 45 minutes. Every day. For close to 8 years. I remember I used to buy the same $1 bowl of macaroni for a whole year from the Red Noodle Stall because I was so self-conscious and so fearful of doing or saying anything wrong that I couldn't bring myself to open my mouth and order anything different. The next year I would order a $1 packet of fishballs. My diet hardly changed in the many years I was at school. Funny, huh? When I was in Sec 1, I would order a $1 bottle of green tea. I don't know why I didn't eat, but I hardly touched any food. I don't even know if it was because I was trying to lose weight or if I just had no appetite. Probably the latter. I had never been an overweight kid, so there was no reason for me to go on a diet. I tried puking my food up, but it never...Read More