I’ve just been feeling so bombarded with words lately. Words, just words. Was there even any thought behind those words?
People can say as much as they like, but I’d prefer to just distill everything down to a few simple questions:
1) Who are you?
2) What do you stand for?
3) What do you believe in?
But most importantly, are you living that truth that you so valiantly exalt?
Who you are – who you really are – is more important to me than some image that you’re trying to portray or some character that you’re trying to create, and for whatever reason, are trying to live out.
If you’d ever asked me, I’d have told you that I attended an acting workshop in 2015, and that was a very significant turning point for me, because during those 2 weeks of being (safely) pushed towards facing and dealing with my emotions – my raw, untamed, untempered emotions – I finally gave my heart permission to break, and I let it. I let it shatter and vanish along with my feelings of guilt and shame, and feelings of never being enough, of never being worthy.
I let my heart break so it could relearn how to love.
What also happened was that it reawakened all my senses, and I feel everything a hell lot more now, not to say that I didn’t feel anything before, but I chained it up enough that I must’ve injured myself pretty badly teaching myself not to feel.
I think what I’m trying to get at after this long spiel is that I’m done pretending. I’m done trying to be someone that I’m not. I’m done trying to please others at the expense of losing myself. I’m done pretending that I don’t feel when I do. I feel, a lot, and it’s beautiful, and I will never trade my broken heart for anything else in the world.
I’m not asking for a lot, I’m just asking for something real.