It was today.
Exactly 1 year ago,
When I arrived at CPH International Airport.
When the 9 days of pain & loss began.
Some days I still wonder whether or not you ever think of me?
& Then I wonder if you ever wonder whether or not I ever think of you?
Then I tell myself that I should stop thinking about us.
About what we used to be.
Until now my heart is still torn between loving you and forgetting you.
But I don't think that I'll ever forget you,
& I don't think that I'll ever stop loving you.
I don't know what you're up to these days,
But I hope that you're doing well,
& I hope that you've finally found (or are at least close to finding) what you wanted.
What you need.
Somehow, I still believe that we'll find each other again someday.
Maybe.
When the time is right?
The story doesn't feel like it's ended yet,
But right now I'm a little lost between the pages of yesterday and tomorrow.
This year,
The whole world turned upside down;
But in that chaos, I found myself.
I found love,
& I hope you did, too.
I hope that someday we'll say "Hello" again like we used to;
That we'd smile again like we used to do
Whenever we were together,
Whenever we'd meet in the space between the past and the future —
Whenever I'd fly in.
But maybe I'm wrong...
Maybe that's just a pipe dream that I should slowly start accepting.
Maybe you really are doing better without me.
Maybe you're happy -
& I want you to be happy.
So I'll leave this up to God,
& If it's meant to be, it will be.
If not, life will keep moving us forward like it always does,
& I will keep on healing like I always do.
Maybe one day I'll begin to understand the significance of me & you -
But for now,
I'll leave it as it is
Because I can't keep calling if there's no one on the line,
& I can't keep hoping if you aren't hoping for it, too.
So I just want you to know that I love you.
I don't know why, but I still do,
& I suppose -
I hope that you still love me, too.
But all my feelings aside,
It's time to end the year right
By focusing on myself & on the people around me.
So, from the deepest part of my heart,
& With all the angels & saints,
In Jesus' name I pray:
"Amen."