Dear Lord,
I have been through a lot, mentally and emotionally, these past 2.5 years. At the same time, I've grown a lot as a person as well. I love more easily now and with a more open and grateful heart. I am able to see care and concern where I used to see negligence, and I am very thankful for that. A lot of the emotional turmoil I went through was due to the long-distance love that I had with someone who was very much my world at the time. I cared so much for him and I know that what we shared was love - albeit, a toxic love at times. Looking back on the times we spent together, I can say for certain that there were many unhealthy moments that would've spelt disaster in the long run had the relationship continued down the same course. Despite that, I can't deny that the beautiful moments were absolutely breathtaking. I'd never felt that high on a feeling before, and I'd never experienced that sort of ecstasy just being with someone. However, the crashes were always just as bad, if not worse. The pain of separation laced with doubt, mistrust, secrecy and a lack of intimacy - it was more than I could handle. I learnt to laugh through the sadness. I learnt to smile through the pain. I learnt to forgive, and choose love over and over and over again even though it was difficult. Very difficult. I prayed. I spoke to friends. I read books, I watched TED talks, I listened to podcasts. I did as much as I could to make the relationship work, but it didn't work out in the end. I felt extremely betrayed, hurt, used, kept in the dark. There was so much darkness in the last few days, and I am glad that it's over now. I have moved from the darkness into the light. I have emerged from my cocoon as a butterfly, with wings, strong wings that can carry me far and take me to new heights. I know it was a test. It was a test of my strength, my courage, my determination and my trust in You. Through it all, I am still grateful because I know that I have been cleansed through the fire. I am a better me than I was before, and I am truly happy.
Amen.