Exactly 1 year ago,

When I arrived at CPH International Airport.

When the 9 days of pain & loss began.

Some days I still wonder whether or not you ever think of me?

& Then I wonder if you ever wonder whether or not I ever think of you?

Then I tell myself that I should stop thinking about us.

About what we used to be.

Until now my heart is still torn between loving you and forgetting you.

But I don't think that I'll ever forget you,

& I don't think that I'll ever stop loving you.

I don't know what you're up to these days,

But I hope that you're doing well,

& I hope that you've finally found (or are at least close to finding) what you wanted.

What you need.

Somehow, I still believe that we'll find each other again someday.

Maybe.

When the time is right?

The story doesn't feel like it's ended yet,

But right now I'm a little lost between the pages of yesterday and tomorrow.

This year,

The whole world turned upside down;

But in that chaos, I found myself.

I found love,

& I hope you did, too.

I hope that someday we'll say "Hello" again like we used to;

That we'd smile again like we used to do

Whenever we were together,

Whenever we'd meet in the space between the past and the future —

Whenever I'd fly in.

But maybe I'm wrong...

Maybe that's just a pipe dream that I should slowly start accepting.

Maybe you really are doing better without me.

Maybe you're happy -

& I want you to be happy.

So I'll leave this up to God,

& If it's meant to be, it will be.

If not, life will keep moving us forward like it always does,

& I will keep on healing like I always do.

Maybe one day I'll begin to understand the significance of me & you -

But for now,

I'll leave it as it is

Because I can't keep calling if there's no one on the line,

& I can't keep hoping if you aren't hoping for it, too.

So I just want you to know that I love you.

I don't know why, but I still do,

& I suppose -

I hope that you still love me, too.

But all my feelings aside,

It's time to end the year right

By focusing on myself & on the people around me.

So, from the deepest part of my heart,

& With all the angels & saints,

In Jesus' name I pray:

"Amen."