Before I go to sleep, I just want to do a really quick check-in on where I was, where I am now and how far I've come.
It's already been a year?! That's so crazy...
I re-read my first few blog posts in January and February, and I can't believe that 10 months have already passed. Going from the worst heartbreak I've ever experienced into a short-lived new relationship and now slowly but surely growing into my divine feminine: someone who radiates self-love, kindness, compassion, creativity and forgiveness. I'm so proud of where I am today.
I have always made self-care and healing a big part of my life, and the results are beginning to show. This is the year in which I am slowly bursting out of my cocoon and spreading my wings in order to fly, to journey, to discover and to explore.
Do you remember how I used to tell you that I become a butterfly? You used to say to me: "Not yet. Not yet, but someday soon..." It seems that day has finally come. In my darkest times, I have been made aware of a most brilliant light that had never seemed to have left me. It lives within me.
Aole used to ask us this while we meditated, in acting class: "What do I need to let go of, in order to get more of?"
Today, I realise that I need to let go of unrealistic expectations of myself and of others. I need to let go of self-loathing, of comparison and feeling 'less than' my peers who are farther ahead in their entertainment careers. We all have to start somewhere. I need to let go of the nostalgia that I have for past relationships that have hurt me whether intentionally or unintentionally. I need to let go of anger, distaste and disgust towards exes whom I felt have wronged me in the past. I need to let go of the need to hold onto people who want to leave. I need to let go of the hope that they will come back to me in the future. In letting go of all these thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears and emotions, I am letting in love, light, forgiveness, gratitude, acceptance, calm, peace, joy and happiness. I am able to feel genuinely happy for my exes if they decide to move on with someone new. I am genuinely thankful from the bottom of my heart for the love they have shown me, for the lessons they've taught me and for the way they cared about me when I didn't know how to care for myself. I am thankful for all the experiences that we've shared because they have added depth to my life as a human being here on earth. I am able to give more generously of myself now that I have experienced what it means to be loved by someone else. I am learning to listen to my heart again.