I woke up this morning to the music of "Autumn Leaves" playing like an old record in my head.

I got out of bed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and now I'm sitting at my desk writing and the song hasn't stopped playing yet. It's been playing on loop for the past 15 minutes and I keep hearing different versions of it. Right now, it's a canon (a conversation) between two different voices - A smooth, but dark and sultry female voice and a low and raspy male voice.

I imagine they're on different sides of the world singing this tune at the same time; each one trying to reach the other.

I think a part of me might have died when I left you at the door that Monday. Night had descended early, and the chill seemed to cut like a knife straight through my heart. I still remember the look on your face right before you turned away from me. I felt all the energy seeping from my bones, gluing me to the spot. I could barely move or even think straight. You were slipping away soundlessly into the darkness, and in the silence I screamed your name, but you didn't hear me. You didn't even look back.

I can't hold Beary to sleep anymore. He reminds me of you and last Valentine's when you wrote me a poem because I always asked you to. I cried when I read it for the first time. I don't think you knew how much I missed you, and how much that hurt.

When I was listening to "Autumn Leaves" this morning, I was transported back to when I was sitting on your lap and you were playing it for me on the piano. That moment seems to have crystallised in my memory like a fossil crystallised in amber. I see us both as if I were peering through a looking glass, standing in your living room. Everything is bathed in a soft golden hue, and at that point in time, it was just us two. Outside, the world kept moving; but inside, within those tender minutes, time stopped. There was too much love in that room... Too much love, and too much sorrow. It's too real of a memory for me to sit through.

I realised that I still love you, and I'm not sure when I'll ever stop loving you.

I used to ask myself if it's possible to love a star? You know she's always there, but you'll never get to laugh with her or touch her. She'll appear every night like the night before, but the only time you'll get to be with her is while you're asleep. When you miss her, you'll wonder what she's doing up there in the night sky... Is she smiling? Is she singing? Is she happy? Then you'll close your eyes and hope to spend the night with her in your dreams. That's when she becomes most real. That's when you finally get the chance to be with her again.