Before I fall asleep, I just want to say a really quick prayer:
I just want to say thank you for all the blessings you've gifted me in my life.
For many years, I've struggled with feeling like I wasn't enough; wasn't good enough, smart enough, strong enough, beautiful enough or worthy enough of love and attention.
I know now that I am. I am enough. In fact, I am more than enough because I am made of the same spirit, the same magic and the same stuff as the universe you created and as the stars above. I am made of the same Knowing that has formed heaven and earth and all things in-between. I am made from the Wisdom that I cannot yet fathom.
I want to say that I am sorry. I am very, truly sorry for all the things I've said about people in my past that might have hurt them. I am not proud of being hateful, vengeful and spiteful.
When I was younger, I used to get angry at myself for being angry, and then I'd get angry at myself because I allowed myself to get angry and then I'd just lose all sense of control and spiral into a hair-pulling, nail-biting frustration and I'd throw things, punch walls and just wallow in a pool of immense sadness, feeling a hatred for everyone and everything.
Looking back on it now, it was a very rough time. I don't know how I did, but I worked myself out of it. I worked hard to be happy with the person that I am today. I worked hard just to be able to look at myself in the mirror each day and feel okay. I worked so hard just to be able to be myself, and I worked even harder to be able to love someone else and let them love me back. I worked hard.
I don't know why things play out the way they do sometimes, but I'm not one to reason my way through life. I accept the fact that there are some things that are bigger than me and that I cannot yet, and might never comprehend. I don't need to know all the answers. I just need to keep going.
I pray that you will guide me through this trying time, and that you will still my heart and keep it open for new love, new happiness and new light. I lead with my heart. I know that. I cannot deceive it nor can I conceal it, and I want to live like this — As authentically to my truest self as possible.
I know that you always have my best interests at heart, and I know that you love me and that you care for me. I thank you for all the Angels you've sent my way ever since I started asking for them. They have not failed you, and they have helped me so much on my journey towards self-love. They have deepened and broadened my understanding across borders, across cultures and between souls.
Please help me to live like you. Help me to love like you. Help me to forgive like you.
I want to be able to open my heart again and live lovingly in your light.